Year-end reflections on life and work

My earliest money memories

My earliest money memory was getting a pair of new, blue gym shoes from my first-grade teacher, Mrs. Hennig.  (My family had just immigrated to the US a few months prior, and we were all trying hard to adjust to life in AMERICA.)  At the time, her gift seemed unnecessary, if not extravagant.  Afterall, my parents had just bought me a pair of brown shoes soon after we’d arrived.  It was a few years later that I understood the practicality of Mrs. Henig’s gift: to participate in gym class, students had to have the proper footwear to protect/preserve the polished floor.  It was three decades later that I grasped the depth of her kindness and generosity.  Mrs. Henig had likely intuited that my parents couldn’t afford another pair of shoes for me until the following year, which meant I’d have to sit out of gym until then.       

My second earliest money memory was when I was in my early 20s and sitting among a handful of older, white men (mostly in their 60s) around a wooden table at the public library.  We’re passing around the latest publications from Value Line, an investment research firm that analyzes and rates publicly traded company’s stocks.  Outwardly, I stood out in terms of age, race and gender.  Inwardly, I suspected that we shared a common goal: get an edge in our investing efforts so we can support ourselves and our families.  (My Mom’s illness had just left her disabled, and my Dad was struggling to hold things together.)    

At the wooden table and often sitting next to me was Richard, a 63-year-old family (aka divorce) lawyer.  Having frequently crossed paths at the library, he’d become my de facto investing mentor.  With his help, I was able to decode the seemingly mysterious and out-of-reach world that was investing: What are stocks?  How do they work?  How to determine a good/bad investment? And, ultimately, how to make money?  I found investing interesting, intuitive and magical.  If invested properly, a little money can grow into a lot of money…over time.  Richard’s best advice to me: 1) Start investing early 2) Never become a divorce lawyer.  (Done and done!)   

My motivations to become a financial planner > launch my own advisory 

Although I had a strong interest in and affinity for personal finance and investing, I never seriously considered working in the financial industry.  For the first umpteen years, I viewed personal finance and investing as a lucrative hobby.  This was likely due to the bad experience I had with a financial advisor (salesman really) early on in my life/career. This left such a bad taste in my mouth that for a long time afterwards, I viewed the financial (service) industry as salesy, greedy and full of conflicts-of-interest. 

(Un)fortunately, in my mid-30s, my years of running (hard) on the professional hamster wheel came crashing down when I was diagnosed with PTSD.  (Crisis is the great clarifier!)  Through a lot of painful and hard self-work, I slowly reconnected with Myself.  In so doing, I realized that personal finance was my vocation.  Who better to work in the industry than someone who’d been badly burned by it?!?! 

Step-by-step I walked towards the life and work that had persistently been calling me.  Doing so has meant taking a lot of leaps and learning to trust: new industry; new profession; new credentials; new city; new employment status (from employee to self-employed).  With time and experience, I slowly realized that I needed to go out on my own if I wanted to do financial planning the way I thought it should be done: service vs sales; partner vs gatekeeper; sit beside vs sit across.      

Key lessons learned so far… 

·       My prospects/clients have traveled a very long distance to get to this point where they’re ready for help.  Listening to other women’s life stories has given me a better understanding, perspective and appreciation for what they have gone through individually and collectively to get to this point where they’re reaching out for help in getting their financial house in order.  Additionally, clients who progress the quickest (financially) are those who traveled the farthest internally.  They’ve done the inner work.  Fixing or refining their finances is often an outer extension (or reflection) of that work.     

·       I am my prospects/clients, and they are me.  My prospects/clients’ stories often mirror or echo my own.  Good news: I can easily relate to them. Bad news: I can easily get triggered by them.  To ensure that I’m able to provide my prospects/clients objective advice, I have to work hard to stay present, especially in meetings.  Doing so, helps me differentiate and maintain healthy boundaries between their stuff and my stuff.    

·       My relationship with prospects/clients is one of reciprocity.   I’ve discovered that my advisory is a classroom.  While I teach women about finance, they teach me about Life.  For example, through their lifestyle/love choices, they’ve shown me (a commitment phobe) that partnership is a spectrum: friends, lovers, partners, life partners. As is, one can choose a point on that spectrum that best suits one’s need and comfort-level.     

·       Compassion is a more powerful than capability.  For my prospects/clients, it seems as though their finances are another reflection of where they are emotionally…and spiritually.  As is, I’ve learned (sometimes the hard way) that empathy and kindness are far more effective in healing their finances than suggestions on how to strengthen their balance sheet.  I suspect that the source of their financial problems is not a disconnection with their money, but rather with their Soul.     

Final thoughts…       

With year-end, like most business owners, my inclination is to review my firm’s goals (e.g., new clients, revenue) to gauge “performance.”  However, the wiser part of me knows that my advisory’s success is dependent upon how faithfully and well I can live up to the intention I’d set for myself when I launched Women’s Wealth: I’ve come to serve.  In helping other women, I help myself.  In healing other women, I heal myself.  In guiding other women home, I draw closer to my own Home.