Once in the states, all these events hardwired within me a strong desire to survive through achievements. Growing up, I unconsciously slipped into a pattern of trying to live up to parents’ expectations rather than cultivating and pursuing my own dreams. After all, they’d sacrificed so much to give us a better life. The least I could do was make sure that their sacrifice and hard work paid off.

In my early 20s, my mother developed cancer, which  ultimately left her disabled. My sense of responsibility and obligation to my parents intensified; I felt that I’d let them down. So, I began to work even harder in managing their investments; in grad school; at work. But, all was not well. Underneath all these activities was a growing resentment and anger from a life deferred.

Fortunately, the Universe is kind. But sometimes it masks its compassion by allowing us to fall (hard). At age 35, I hit a physical and mental wall. Having quit my job at a big high-tech company a year earlier, I found myself sitting across a therapist who diagnosed me with PTSD. I was dumbfounded. Isn’t that a severe mental illness that only affected veterans, I asked. She said that it impacts people who have lived through great personal traumas. Given my childhood, this wasn’t surprising.

Since that day, I’ve spent much of my time and effort focused on my health and healing. This has meant facing, feeling and making peace with all the traumas and griefs that I had live through. As I (re)gained greater clarity and sense of self, I began to make decisions that reinforced the person I had become. This meant changing industry, changing profession, changing social circles, changing cities and more recently changing employment status from employee to owner. With each thoughtful step, my head became more aligned with my heart; my outside more aligned with my inside; my professional goals more aligned with my personal goals.

This has been my journey back to wholeness. And now, it has brought me to you.