Year-end reflections on gifting

At the beginning of every year, I review and revise Women’s Wealth website to make sure info are up-to-date and in compliant with industry rules and regulations of which there are many.  Interestingly, I go through most of the webpages with a fine-tooth comb, except for my bio, which I typically gloss over.  I don’t know about you, but reading my own (biased) perspective on my life’s journey thus far is like listening to a recording of my voice.  Doing so makes me feel uncomfortable.  I both recognize but also don’t recognize it. 

Still, since this year marks the fifth anniversary of my firm (yay!), I felt an obligation to face my own discomfort and reread my bio to see if it still rings true.  As I reread it, I first felt exposed. Then, I felt sad and sorry for the woman I once was.  She seemed like a victim of circumstance and culture. (Maybe this is why I occasionally catch glimpses of sympathy flash over clients’ faces.) Finally, I felt a mixture of compassion and admiration for her as she struggled to find herself, (re)establish her footing and rediscover her Life’s path.  Overall, the bio did reflect who I was, but didn’t quite capture the person I was still becoming.  In that sense, it felt dated, incomplete and, therefore, inaccurate.  

Healing 

As I updated my bio, I noticed a few curious things.  First, my story wasn’t fixed.  Rather, it was dynamic and still unfolding.  With each iteration of my updated bio, the anxiety, sadness and struggles that had marked the first 35+ yrs of my life softened with time, distance and detachment.  From my present vantage point, it was becoming an increasingly smaller part of my identity and Life story.  Second, as my actions and mentality changed over the years, my perspective on my story expanded and evolved.  Having hit the lowest point in my life during my mid-30s, suffering spurred me to find ways to heal my broken body and mind.  Within a five years span, I left my job in the tech industry.  I took up meditation and established a daily practice (2 hours).  I also took up yoga.  I integrated walking into my day.  (Having a small, high-energy dog helped).  I did group therapy wherein I had to share some of the most private, painful parts of my life.  As an introvert, this felt like undressing in front of a group of people.  (Terrifying!) Reflecting back, I realize that suffering was one part of my story.  The other was saving myself.     

Health

Over time, as my body and mind slowly healed and then strengthened, my health naturally improved: my anxiety level decreased noticeably.  I became less triggered by fear and uncertainties.  (Inversely, I felt less of a need to control people, things and outcomes, which made life easier for all.) Consequently, I had fewer panic attacks.  Ditto for my migraines.  Not only did I become more resilient to mental ailments, but also physical ones (e.g., common cold) as well.  Interestingly, the more attuned I became to my body and mind, the more responsive I was to what they needed.  Eventually, my efforts shifted more towards prevention rather than cure.  These days, taking care of myself has become more intuitive, more innate. 

In reconnecting with my body, I also reconnected with my Self.  Rather than being a doer and victim, I became more of an observer and conscious agent of my Life.  Guided by the wisdom of my Self, I increasingly made decisions that were more aligned with my (well)-being, rather than with culture.  For example, rather than pursuing a big job title in some big name corporation, I chose to be a small business owner (solo entrepreneur).  Rather than making 6-figures, I opted for making 5-figures.  Rather than being a home owner, I’m currently choosing to be a renter.  Rather than being married with kids, I’m unmarried and have nieces.  Rather than taking care of my parents in their old age like good Asians are expected to do, I’m estranged from them.  My guess is that on paper I am what society would likely define as a “failed woman”: middle-age, unmarried, childless, homeless and parentless.      

Wealth

Outwardly, my life now looks unconventional, if not sad.  Inwardly, it feels increasingly AMAZING as I continue to align it with my values.  For example, as a small business owner, I have complete ownership of my time and effort. Moreover, I get to do work that I love with people I like, respect and admire.  As a renter, while I technically don’t own my space, I get to enjoy the things that I value in a home: safe (quiet residential neighborhood); clean (hardwood floor and white walls); light-filled (big windows everywhere); private (third floor surrounded by trees); walkable (close to grocery stores, café, library).  Additionally, since my apartment is a southeast corner unit, I get to wake up with the sun and birdsongs, especially in Spring and Summer.  So, nature becomes the “clock” that guides my day.  

As for my marital/parental status, I no longer subscribe to the social belief that there’s a hard timeline and/or clear definition regarding those roles and experiences.  One should get married and become a parent when one feels ready and see value in such experiences.  Also, there are many forms of partnerships (e.g., friends, colleagues, family member) and ways to “parent” that goes beyond biology.    

Finally, as my health increased, my wealth (net worth) has also increased…and with far less effort than before.  As a result, I’m able to make many decisions based on want rather than need.      

Final thoughts…on gifting

Over the years, people have often asked me what my name (Anh Thu) means.  I’d hesitatingly respond “hero.”  Ironically, it has taken me half a lifetime to realize that the person I came to save is me.  The only person I can save is me.  My journey towards healing, health and wholeness has been long, fraught, far from a straight line and ongoing.  The chains of habit and culture are strong and heavy.  Breaking them has required that I dig deep within my Self to find clarity, courage and resolve again and again.           

In Western tradition, gifting is a big part of the holiday tradition.  Based on my own journey thus far, I’ve come to realize that only when I’ve given myself what I need can I truly give to others what they need.  Moreover, the greatest gift that I could give to myself and, thereby, others is a more whole and present me.  But, having interacted with many women over the years, I know that I’m not alone on this journey.  So, to all those are working towards greater healing and wholeness, I understand your struggle.  I admire your steadfastness.  And, I bow to your Light!