New Year’s resolutions

Resolution (n):  A firm decision to do something


As cultural ritual, many of us use New Year as a time to vocalize our decision to initiate big changes in our lives: quit smoking; start dieting; stop dieting; be a more engaged parent; be a better friend. While well-intended, resolutions often dissipate into strong wishes which then morph into options…for next year. According to U.S. News & World Report, 80 percent of New Year’s resolutions fail.


I know this scenario well, because I, too, had adopted this cultural ritual in the past.  However, in my early 30s, I stopped making New Year’s resolutions altogether. Making resolutions felt pointless, because it often didn’t lead to real, life-lasting changes.

Vipassana meditation

About ten years ago, I took up Vipassana meditation.  And, it was through learning and maintaining this practice that I became more aware of the critical components that helped me make life-lasting change. Prior to my first 10-day Vipassana meditation course, I had been suffering from acute, stress-related migraines for consecutive months.  However, it wasn’t the migraines that prompted me to seek out a “cure,” but rather my ongoing struggle to get deep (REM) sleep. Intuitively, I knew that the right “medicine” for me was one that would tap into my body’s natural capacity to heal itself.  Unfortunately, at the time, I had no idea what that could be.


During a routine session with my therapist, I remembered something he had said a few years back that led me to conclude that he was a meditator. So, I asked him if he thought meditation would help alleviate my migraines. His reply was non-committal: “Maybe.” Desperate, I decided to give it a try anyway. Soon after, I quit my job and signed up for a 10-day course.


The first 3 days of the course was hell!  No talking, no writing, no reading, no dinner. Just 10-11 hours of sitting every day, usually on a 1-inch mat placed on a concrete floor in a big hall with 80 other people (or students). By day 3, I wanted to leave. The sharp pain that was originally in my head had migrated throughout the rest of my body. Not the cure I was looking for!


On day 4, while walking to the hall for a group sit, I remember looking over the fields that surrounded the retreat and seeing deers eating while a light rain fell gently down. I then saw my right hand rising up and tracing the direction of the rainfall in amazement. It was like my seeing rain for the first time. (Trippy, I know.) Then, I heard a quiet voice within me that said: “My life could be so much simpler.  My life could be so much happier.” With that, I miraculously found the resolve to stay for the rest of the course; I wanted to see where this would all lead me.


Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, that first 10-day course was the hardest thing I’d ever done. After the course, however, I realized that meditation was the healthiest thing that I’d ever done and vowed to integrate it into my daily life.  It was this next phase that showed me the critical components to making life-lasting change.

Clarity is foundational

Sitting allowed me to be still and go inward.  In so doing, I was able to gain greater calmness and, thereby, clarity around my situation. The more I sat, the more clarity I acquired. Sometimes, clarity helped me by quietly revealing to me that my problem was one of (false) perception and not reality.  Other times, clarity helped by showing me the wisest and most harmless and effective way forward.  Interestingly, once I’d gained more clarity around my situation, the next step became less of a decision and more of a buy-product…of clarity.

Intention determines outcome

Through clarity, I also came to realize the importance of intention. Ultimately, it’s my intention that dictates my words and actions and, thereby, the final outcome. If my intention is good, then the outcome will be good. If my intention is bad (or impure), then the outcome will be bad and will likely bring harm to others and definitively to me. By making this simple, but powerful, connection, I was able to get to the root cause of my pain, sorrow and failure. This insight helped me refocus my energy and effort. To ensure a “successful” outcome, I needed to focus on cultivating right intention.

Incremental steps lead to monumental change 

Old students of the 10-day course are advised to sit 2 hours per day – one hour in the morning and one in the evening – to help maintain and strengthen their practice.  Early in my practice, I found it incredibly difficult to keep up my daily sits. Given my work schedule, sitting 2 hours per day was a big time commitment. The more I tried to keep up this commitment, the more resentful I became. I perceived the request as unrealistic and unreasonable.


However, thanks to the advice of a Vipassana meditation teacher, I started to scale back my daily sits from 2 hours per day to 30 minutes per day (or 15 minutes per sit). This immediately made daily sits more manageable. Slowly, the more I sat, the longer I sat. The 15-minute sits eventually built up to 30-minute sits, which became 60-minute sits. (FYI, there are still days when I do 15- or 30-minute sits. No judgement!) What I discovered through this process was that small changes lead to big changes, which eventually become habits.

Consistency is key

Without consistency there can be no lasting change. While I still attend a 10-day course annually to reset physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, I now understand the importance of sitting daily. Sometimes, I can’t wait for the next 10-day to get more clarity around a situation. I need to access that clarity NOW. Additionally, it’s the daily sits that have helped make sitting less of a chore and more of a personal ritual to heal myself little by little.

Affecting life-lasting change

Resolve (n):  A firm determination to carry out a decision or plan

 

While it’s easy to make resolutions, it’s difficult to find the resolve to integrate them into one’s life. To do so requires clarity, good intention, and taking incremental steps consistently over time. Real change begins in the mind and then reinforced through daily adoption by the body.  There are no short cuts.

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